


There are *reasons* Sai is the only one allowed in the kitchen

by Tht0neGal666



Category: Naruto
Genre: Baking, Bickering, Borderline crackfic, Cuddle Pile, Flirting, Food Fight, Gen, Living Together, Multi, Pumpkin Spice, Slice of Life, not even pretending to be cannon compliant, poison expert Ino, post shippuden, sai's absolute lack of taste, unrealistic baking physics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 09:36:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20946197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tht0neGal666/pseuds/Tht0neGal666
Summary: "Naruto, you brainless bastard, what were you thinking?! Were you trying to Poison him?" Ino screeched, and Sai was so used to the sound that he didn't even flinch."Oi oi oi oi, that's gold coming from you, Dattabayo! You said that those berries you put in were cranberries!""And you believed me? Cranberries are red, Dumbass!"





	There are *reasons* Sai is the only one allowed in the kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> So. Apparently no one thought to tell me that there was a Naruto RarePair Fall Spookfest going on? But I found out about it anyway, and I'm here with a vengance!

"...Good morning, Sakura." Sai greeted blankly, but Sakura knew him well enough to read the question in the slight furrow of his brow. He took a few seconds to blink awake (a small victory in itself) and scrunched his nose. "What is that smell?" He coughed, unused to such a strong stench. 

"Pumpkin spice cookies." She answered, waving to the tray that he hadn't even noticed on his bedside table. He eyed them skeptically, knowing better then to put any faith in Sakura's cooking, but she continued before he could comment. "Oh, Ino and Naruto made them- they went absolutely crazy when they found out you had never tried Pumpkin Spice before, I had to discreetly check them for rabies. I'm just delivering them while they finish the cake and their more...experimental ideas." Sakura assured, although, really, that wasn't much better.

Nonetheless, Sai couldn't deny he was curious, especially given all the fuss that the three of them kicked up over it. He tentatively picked one up and took a bite, and almost immediately started _gagging_.

The taste itself was fine enough, he supposed, if it wasn't so _strong_. It was almost as bad as that time Sakura dared him to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon.

Speaking of, Sakura was by his side, loyally making sure he wasn't dying. Out of curiosity and with her typical lack of self preservation, she took a bite out of the cookie herself and frowned.

"Ah. The belladonna- _damn it, Ino_\- made it a little sweet and Naruto was a bit...overzealous with the spice itself." She observed, and he couldn't help but wonder how she could so quickly identify the faults of someone else cooking but utterly unable to do it with her own. She sighed and ate another cookie. "They're actually rather good, for people who don't have the tasteless tongue of a ROOT Agent raised on ration bars and chakra pills. I'll go try and...corral them into making something more your speed, yeah?" She offered.

He still hadn't stopped coughing, though, and she rolled her eyes. "Do you need me to kiss you better?" She drawled, giving him a peck on the corner of his lip, which _did not help _as he went beat red and just coughed _more. _

She didn't seem all that concerned, though, giving another teasing kiss and slipping out of the room with a wink.

Eventually he was able to breathe easily again, bar the slight burn in his throat, and he cautiously descended the stairs wearing one of the hospital masks Sakura left lying around. It may seem extreme to an outsider, but it was _absolutely _necessary.

"Naruto, you brainless bastard, what were you thinking?! Were you trying to _Poison _him?" Ino screeched, and Sai was so used to the sound that he didn't even flinch.

"Oi oi oi oi, that's _gold _coming from you, Dattabayo! You said that those berries you put in were _cranberries!_"

"And you _believed me? _Cranberries are _red_, Dumbass!" 

"Well how was I supposed to know that?! You're the _plant girl!_" Naruto growled, just as Sai got close enough to see them, and his heart dropped. 

While they were arguing, it looked like Sakura had decided to take it upon herself to Fix it. Whatever she was doing, it was bubbling, and he opened his mouth to shout a warning-

But he was too late. The concoction blew up, getting in Ino's hair and Naruto's mouth, and Sai expertly melted into the shadows to avoid getting dragged into the following fight.

"What the _Hell_, Forehead!" Ino demanded, turning on Sakura, but Sakura had already turned on Naruto.

"Wow, that actually isn't bad Sakura-chan-" Naruto praised, swallowing the bit that flew into his mouth, but Sakura didn't even hear.

"Naruto-baka, why the _fuck_ would you switch the Baking powder and baking soda again? I almost had something there!" She demanded, and suddenly Naruto's sunny grin dropped and he looked like a cornered animal.

"....In my defense, Sakura-chan, I thought Ino-chan would be the next to use them, Dattebayo!" He tried, and Sai saw the moment he realized his mistake as, suddenly, both girls were trying to set him on fire with their gaze alone. 

The girls made eye contact, and shared a smile that made shivers run down Sai's back _every time_. The smile that said 'we've been in cahoots with each other years longer then we've known either of you chucklefucks, and it's about to _show_'. 

It was a look rivaled only by Sakura and Naruto's 'we shared the trauma of growing up on team 7 and have no inhabitons about going feral' or, according to Naruto and Sakura, his and Ino's 'we've been knee deep in secret ninja bullshit since we could walk and can and will ruin your entire life with a smile'. 

Without a word between them, they jumped into action. Ino grabbed the bowl of failed cookies that was still sputtering and spewing, and Sakura got Naruto in a headlock, bravely sacrificing herself for the sake of revenge as Ino poured the mixture all over both of them, Sakura cackling madly all the way.

"Awwwwww, _guys!" _Naruto growled, shaking like a dog and not caring as Ino squealed in protest as it splashed on her, "That wasn't _fair!_" He complained, and Ino scoffed.

"What's not fair, _Hokage-sama_, is that _you _are supposed to be the most important and responsible person in the village, and it's a chore to make you _shower _more then twice a week. Hopefully this will be sufficient motivation, for once."

"Yeah, good point Ino-buta. Maybe we should do this more often." Sakura pondered, and Sai finally decided to do his damn job and protect his idiot Hokage boyfriend. 

"Good morning, everyone. I see I've missed out on all the fun." He greeted, and it didn't even take a second for the three of them to look between each other, forget their grudges, and _lunge _at him.

"Group hug!" Naruto shouted out innocently, as if his tone could hide his mischievous fox-grin, and the girls didn't even bother as they dissolved into giggles. Sai sighed and shook his head, leaning forward and licking some of the goop off of Sakura's cheek.

"Hm. That actually isn't _too _disgusting, Ugly." he endorsed, and the four of them fell to the floor in a pile of laughter and pumpkin-spice goop. "It will be a mess to clean up, though." He lamented.

"Oh, _I_ can clean you _right up_." Ino smirked, leaning in and licking a bit off of his chin coyly, and Naruto whinned.

"Heey, what's that about! Do you love Sai more then me now?" He playfully pouted, giving her his biggest set of puppy eyes, and Ino eyed him carefully before seeming to come to a conclusion and leaning in. Naruto smiled in victory and closed his eyes, hubris blinding him, and didn't see it coming when Ino stuck her tongue in his ear.

Naruto squawked and jumped back, glaring as the three of them laughed at his expense. Sai was distantly worried about Ino's capacity to _breathe_. 

"Ho-holy shit your _face_-" Sakura wheezed, hitting the floor, and none of them were really surprised when the tile under her fist _cracked_. She didn't even seem to notice. "By the _s-sage_ Ino-buta, your fucking _mind-_"

Naruto huffed, preparing a retailation, when his eyes widened in horror. He cursed and scrambled over to the oven to retreive a slightly-burned cake they had apparently forgot about and a knife to cut it up. He looked at the fairly-clean dining room, shrugged, and sat on the floor with the the cake on a tray, not even bothering with utensils.

The girls had started to calm down and Sakura offered to feed Naruto (cleverly letting him taste test the cake) as Sai eyed the cake cautiously. Ino hummed a 'don't mind if I do' and picked her slice up from the plate with her hands and took a bite.

Naruto, always waiting for his death wish to be properly satisfied, snorted something about the 'yamanaka-princess's fall from grace', and Sakura muttered a vauge comment about her _actually _being a pig, and Sai rolled his eyes.

"Ignore them, Ino. Haven't I always said you were _beautiful?_" he couldn't stop himself from adding, and both Naruto and Sakura froze at the bold and unexpected call back to their first meeting.

Ino hummed and, with the grace she'd spent years perfecting, flicked her hair and sent goop into each of their eyes.

Between the laughter and the flirtation and the smell itself, Sai was _breathless__. _He took a bite and, finally, could see the appeal of the infamous 'Pumpkin Spice'.

(He expertly avoided thinking about the almondy aftertaste.)


End file.
